...And another thing (last night's blog continued)

I realized that I really didn't finish last night's blog the way I wanted to. So here comes its proper ending (a two part edition):

• I forgot to mention that it was because of Vanessa's wedding shower why my mother didn't come down to visit me when DePaul came to play SIU in women's basketball. That would explain why she didn't return my calls all day and why she didn't tell me about her weekend plans.
• I guess Vanessa asked where I was and my mother told her I was at school. Vanessa asked my mother if she had told me, my mother said no. Vanessa responded, "you're going to have to tell him sometime." And the thing that will stick in my head for a very long time: "Luis was just too slow with the proposal."

Ouch. The story of my life.

I also forgot to note the end of my conversation with my mother had me thinking this: "You know what this means, right? This means that I need to find myself a really superficially hot date for this."

A little more than a week later, I still have those same feelings. I kinda feel bad about it though, because really, what's that gonna prove? Frontin' that I'm happy when I really am not is wrong. Now, let's say I'm in a genuine relationship and my girlfriend happens to be my date, then so be it.

But what if I'm still single? What if I don't have a date? Do I still go to the wedding? How do I save face in front of the former girl of my dreams and a family that still adores me?

I'm not even sure anymore.

Maybe I should take two or three dates to prove that I'm happy. Maybe the idea that it would take two or three girls to satisfy me would put the "what could have been..." thought in her head.

Oh, who am I kidding. The fact that I'm even thinking about that this early in the game and to that extent goes to show that I've got some serious issues going on in my head that need to be resolved a.s.a.p.

And on top of that, the idea that I will likely have to go through these feelings at least two more times is sickening to me.

Until then, I'll quote Tom Petty to end tonight's blog:

"Yeah I might have chased a couple of women around
All it ever got me was down
Then there were those that made me feel good
But never as good as I feel right now
Baby youre the only one thats ever known how
To make me wanna live like I wanna live now

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more ca rd
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part"
--Tom Petty, The Waiting

Until we meet again, good night from Carbondale.