...And another thing (last night's blog continued)

I realized that I really didn't finish last night's blog the way I wanted to. So here comes its proper ending (a two part edition):

• I forgot to mention that it was because of Vanessa's wedding shower why my mother didn't come down to visit me when DePaul came to play SIU in women's basketball. That would explain why she didn't return my calls all day and why she didn't tell me about her weekend plans.
• I guess Vanessa asked where I was and my mother told her I was at school. Vanessa asked my mother if she had told me, my mother said no. Vanessa responded, "you're going to have to tell him sometime." And the thing that will stick in my head for a very long time: "Luis was just too slow with the proposal."

Ouch. The story of my life.

I also forgot to note the end of my conversation with my mother had me thinking this: "You know what this means, right? This means that I need to find myself a really superficially hot date for this."

A little more than a week later, I still have those same feelings. I kinda feel bad about it though, because really, what's that gonna prove? Frontin' that I'm happy when I really am not is wrong. Now, let's say I'm in a genuine relationship and my girlfriend happens to be my date, then so be it.

But what if I'm still single? What if I don't have a date? Do I still go to the wedding? How do I save face in front of the former girl of my dreams and a family that still adores me?

I'm not even sure anymore.

Maybe I should take two or three dates to prove that I'm happy. Maybe the idea that it would take two or three girls to satisfy me would put the "what could have been..." thought in her head.

Oh, who am I kidding. The fact that I'm even thinking about that this early in the game and to that extent goes to show that I've got some serious issues going on in my head that need to be resolved a.s.a.p.

And on top of that, the idea that I will likely have to go through these feelings at least two more times is sickening to me.

Until then, I'll quote Tom Petty to end tonight's blog:

"Yeah I might have chased a couple of women around
All it ever got me was down
Then there were those that made me feel good
But never as good as I feel right now
Baby youre the only one thats ever known how
To make me wanna live like I wanna live now

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more ca rd
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part"
--Tom Petty, The Waiting

Until we meet again, good night from Carbondale.

A lesson learned during Thanksgiving break

I'd like to interrupt the recent blogs of poetry to get some things off my chest. Besides, that's what blogs are for, right?

Since I've opened Life With LuDo I haven't been as forward as I used to be with my blogs. I've held back a lot of stuff that I would have written here, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe it was because work and school have kept me busy. Maybe it was because the Cubs kept me happy. Maybe it's because I'm afraid people will be bothered by what I write.

Well tonight, that ends. Because I have things to get off of my chest.

First, I'd like to note that my Thanksgiving break was absolutely wonderful. It was great to be home in the great city of Chicago with my friends and family. It was also fun to be able to listen to a morning show that wasn't a complete suckfest (Yay for DreX!!!) and some quality sports talk radio (Yay for 670 The Score!!!)

My night at the bar was memorable and lived up to all of the hype I heard from my friends. I loved it to the point that I already can't wait 'til the next celebration.

Thanksgiving dinner was amazing, and that description doesn't do justice. We had deep fried turkey, smoked turkey, honey ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, Mom's famous macaroni and cheese, Mama's famous arroz con gandules, Roy's famous ribs, and so much more.

Having Thanksgiving at my house was a blast. And I tell you what, there's nothing like waking up Thanksgiving morning with a nasty hangover and a pain in your body because you slipped and fell while "cranking dat soulja boy."

And then there was my early X-mas gift which I am thankful for.

However, there is just one thing from my vacation that is bothering me. It's a lesson that I learned, and hopefully I can (finally) learn from my own words: "Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true."

I arrived in Chicago on Sunday afternoon after a long night of being wasted in Carbondale and settled in to watch the Bears game against the Seahawks (which they would eventually lose.) At half-time, my mother needed to go to the store and she needed her chauffer to take her there. And that's where the story gets interesting.

While driving on a cold and rainy afternoon, I should have seen it coming. My mother started the conversation with, "I've got a date for you."

"Awesome, I'll shave tonight," I responded thinking my mother had set me up on a blind date.

"No, it's a wedding date," she replied. "Oh yay," I thought to myself. I love weddings and haven't been to one in a while. I joke around with friends of mine that are in relationships that they should hurry up and get married so I can go to their wedding, get drunk and have a time of it.

My mother responded: "I know I shouldn't be bringing this up while you're driving, but it's Vanessa's."

I was shocked.

Before there was "hot, blonde and southern" there was Vanessa, the original girl of my dreams. I call dibs on that line there because I pulled it from a poem about her that I have been working on since May.

Long story short: Vanessa's mom and my mom are really good friends and always thought we'd make a good trouble. As children, we crushed on each other and had our puppy love, but nothing ever came of it. We came close in high school when I finally realized she had liked me, but nothing ever materialized.

She dated other people in high school. I didn't date anyone.

A part of my blames my mother, who knew Vanessa liked me. I wish she would have said something, then I definitely would have made a move. But who am I kidding, it's things like this that make me believe that I would have just screwed it up anyway.

So anyway, back to the story. It's Vanessa, one of those classic "one's that got away" stories, that is getting married on August 8th 2008.

That's right 08/08/08. Let me note that she's a big Cubs fan (as am I) and that date (08/08/08) marks the 20th anniversary of the first Cubs night game at Wrigley Field. Now if that doesn't tie things together in a nice lil' package, I don't know what will.

That moment there marked the end of a strange week where the Cancer women who make my life miserable broke my heart twice in a three day period.

I guess since I'm on my soap box, I might as well dive into that topic too. But I'll keep this short and brief (heck, I'll summarize it with one solid punchline.)

"There's nothing like being woken up by the girl of your dreams telling you that there is a girl that has a crush on you. Unfortunately, it wasn't her."

That's how I felt the Friday before Thanksgiving break when I got a call that a certain girl might like me. I felt terrible, because I didn't share those feelings. And as much as I say that I want to play the heart breaker because it might give me a sense of redemption after all of the times I've been rejected or heart broken....being the heart breaker isn't the role I truly wanted.

That set off the awkward confessional I had later telling "the girl of my dreams" that I couldn't date her friend (who may or may not have had a crush on me) because I still had feelings for her. And that if I dated her, all I could think about would be what coulda, woulda and shoudla been. And really that does her friend a real injustice, because she's a nice girl and doesn't deserve that.

And I didn't wanna be that guy.

Then came the well I kinda used to like you at one point, but I'm glad that we never dated because we're still great friends part of the conversation, which sent me on a "oh my gosh what have I done" trip.

Seriously, now I really get to think about what woulda, coulda and shoulda been. I've spent time in the last two weeks since that day thinking about where I went wrong. And then came the gut check question of the year: "is having a best friend worth losing the possible girl of your dreams?"

I still haven't come with a conclusion for that one.

(AND THIS IS WHERE I TIE IT UP NICELY AT THE END)

The way I see it, this girl that I'm talking about...this girl is what I thought Vanessa was going to be. What she has, I've always wanted in a girl. And the idea that I could have had it, saddens me.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a best friend understands everything about you...but at what cost?

In the end, the feeling I felt when I found out Vanessa was getting married will happen twice more because of the Cancer women in my life.

The funny thing about it is that my mother loves the three of them (of course my mother herself is a Cancer too.)

Two of them have met in person, not knowing of course what each meant to me. Two of the others know about each other and what they mean to me. And then there's one that knows each story.

Confusing, yes. That is just one half-hour inside my mind on a Tuesday night that has just turned into Wednesday morning.

RANT OVER!

Confession: I Think I Was Wrong About Brian Griese

After the Chicago Bears 19-16 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles, I’m ready to make the following confession: I was wrong about Brian Griese.

I might be ahead of myself here, but before I completely jump on the Griese bandwagon I’d be remiss if I didn’t note Griese’s six interceptions in his previous three games. But for right now, Griese fits the mold for one of the lamest sports cliché’s, “he gives our team the best chance to win.”

In the week seven win against the Eagles, Griese completed 27 of his 41 passes (65.8%) and gained 322 yards. And with no timeouts and no radio communication in his helmet, he led the Bears on a game-winning 97-yard drive that culminated with “Moose” Muhammad’s touchdown catch with nine seconds left in the game.

In addition, Griese called his own plays.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to put Griese in the Hall of Fame just yet. But I am suggesting that maybe he can take on Ron Turner’s job as offensive coordinator too.

At first, I was skeptical about the Griese starting. His career numbers state that he’s a good, but not great quarterback. He’s had health issues in the past, and one of my biggest issues with Griese was that he had never won a playoff game—let alone take his team to the playoffs.

With that said, that could happen in a weak NFC.

But if he does that, what does that say about the Bears coaching staff? What does that say about head coach Lovie Smith? It seemed like a quarterback controversy loomed every week and Lovie would come out to the podium and confidently say “Rex is our quarterback.”

However, Lovie wasn’t the only one.

I supported Rex Grossman. Even before he was drafted, I watched him put up big numbers in Steve Spurrier’s offense at the University of Florida. And when the Bears drafted him, I thought he was going to be great.

I’ve always thought that Grossman has some of the skills to be a—dare I say it—great quarterback, like confidence. And a rocket for an arm, to throw Favre-like lasers through tight coverage. And a feathery touch to throw a soft deep ball over defenders.

Now, he’s got nothing.

Early in his career, it was injuries that kept him from performing like the player Bears fans expected. Now, it looks like the pressure of big market expectations has gotten to Rex, and that’s a shame.

Now, in his contract year, he’s been relegated to the bench and won’t likely get a starting gig unless an injury occurs. It’s very likely, Rex’s career as a Bear is over.

As for Griese, he is now 2-2 as a starter and looks to be gaining a firm grasp of the offense. His ability to limit mistakes, as evidenced by the 0 turnovers against Philadelphia, is one of the main reasons he is starting now. And if he can keep that up, the Bears could make a run at a playoff spot.

The Bears still have issues they need to solve before they can be contenders again.

Their running game has been terrible. Cedric Benson has proven nothing to me, except that he is a serviceable number two running back who thrives against tired defenders. Their defense is still porous, evidenced by the Adrian Peterson show last week.

A 7-2 record down the stretch would give the Bears 10 wins and maybe a spot in the playoffs. If the Bears can find a way to jump start the running game, clog the holes in the defense and Griese can limit his mistakes, the Bears may be primed to make a run after a disastrous start.