If I Could Be Santa

I was inspired by this piece and thought to myself, "If I could be Santa, what would I get for my friends and family?" It's Christmas Day, so it's time to answer my own question.

First, please do not be offended if I do not mention you by name, I don't know what I'd get for each of you individually. For those of you who I don't mention by name, I wish that I could give you all that you want, and $1,000 cash for the holiday season.

FOR MY FRIENDS:

I wish I could get my roommate Steven an endless supply of milk, so he can have his own endless supply while the rest of the apartment splits the normal gallon that we get.

I wish I could give my other roommate Marcus all of my knowledge of sports video games. That includes (but is not limited to) recruiting for NCAA College Basketball games, trades for MLB games and how to blow out opponents by 10 or more runs in MLB The Show.

I wish I could give Kristin and her baby Leium the gift of a healthy and happy holiday season, and beyond.

I wish I could give my buddy Mike Carter the Chicago Bulls play-by-play job. Mike has been a great friend to me and deserves to land his dream job.

I wish I could give Steve Schucker the gift of being Mr. Carter's partner as his color commentator, if only just because I know it'd be the most entertaining broadcast in sports.

I wish I could give my cousin Tony enough time off to take a trip to Carbondale and make his yearly visit. In fact, I wish I could do that for all of my friends.

And finally, I wish I could give all of my friends in college their diplomas and a high-paying job as soon as they graduate.

FOR MY FAMILY:

I wish I could give my mother the pay raise she rightfully deserves. There is no one that does more with less and she deserves more than I can give.

I wish I could give my father a sample of all that I have written this semester, so he can maybe comprehend all of the work I'm doing at SIU.

I wish I could give Roy an endless supply of Coca-Cola, so we don't run out of it when we're getting "All Jacked up!"

I wish I could have two clones. One to spend time with each of my grandmothers, each of whom adore me.

FOR MY FAVORITE SPORTS TEAMS:

I wish I could give the Chicago Cubs the gift of a new owner that would be accountable for the team and would do anything to bring a winner to a fan base dying for a championship. Enter stage left, Mark Cuban.

I wish I could give the Chicago Bears an offense that puts points on the board. That includes a game-breaking running back, a big play wide receiver, an offensive line that isn't offensive and a quarterback with Brett Favre's rocket arm, Peyton Manning's accuracy and Tom Brady's smarts. Ooh, and an offensive coordinator that isn't stuck in the mid '90s.

I wish I could give the Chicago Bulls a new coach and an elite player—unfortunately, the duo that I have in mind for that gift are in Los Angeles.

I wish I could give the Southern Illinois Salukis football team a coach that will carry on the tradition that Jerry Kill started.

I wish I could give the Southern Illinois Salukis basketball team the ultimate motivational speech so they can turn around this 5-5 start and turn it into another Missouri Valley Conference championship and another trip to the NCAA Tournament.

That's all for tonight, folks. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!