An Open Letter To Carlos Zambrano

Once in a while I find it necessary to address someone in this public forum. Today that person is Cubs starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano.

Dear Carlos:

After today's pathetic start against the Los Angeles Dodgers, I must call you out. Unfortunately, you can't take out your frustrations on me as you did former battery mate Michael Barrett--but at this point in my life I'd be willing to take the beating if it means that you single handedly bring the Cubs their first World Series title since 1908.

So, since I can't be there, I'd like to offer one of the following to be the sacrificial lamb:

• Will Ohman
• Ronny Cedeno
• Or someone from the Brewers or Cardinals

Big Z, you were absolutely brilliant after jacking Mikey B. in the face. You dominated June and July as if you were trying to show someone in Tribune tower that you were worth something.

In August, Tribune Co. shelled out $91.5 million to keep you in Chicago 'til at least 2012, in what is most likely their final major expenditure until they are sold (hopefully to Mark Cuban.)

However, since then you are winless and your ERA is Jason Marquis-like (circa 2006) and that is just unacceptable!

In the beginning of the year, you predicted that you would win the Cy Young and that the Cubs would win the World Series. Those were bold predictions and unless you throw perfect games from here on out, your chances at the Cy Young are slim and none (and slim just left the building.)

And even though your Cy Young hopes might be dashed, you can still help carry the Cubs to a World Series title. But first you must carry them to a division title.

You've got all the talent in the world, you just have to use your head a little more often. That means:

• No more breaking bats over your knee
• No more swinging for the fences with every swing
• No more trying to snare comeback line drives with your bare hand
• No more ignoring stop signs from your third base coach

Those are just some suggestions on how to better yourself for the final month of the baseball season.

At this point Carlos, I'm not sure what else I can tell you to help straighten out. All I can do is make one more final plea from Cubdom.

Carlos, you need to get your f*cking head in the game. You know as well as I do that your heart is in it. We all know your arm is in it. Cubdom wants your f*cking head on straight so you can end this stupid f*cking curse and end 98 years of futility.

There, does this Ozzie Guillen like rant motivate you? It should! I'm sick of getting my heart broken year after year. I'm tired of investing time and money into a ball club that seemingly doesn't give a damn.

I'm sick of hearing about the damn 2005 White Sox and the 2006 Cardinals, the two biggest flukes (statistically) in baseball history. I'm sick of yee-haw creepy Cardinal Nation and their obsession with Pujols. I'm sick of White Sox fans and their "where's your ring?" bullsh*t. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

And it's a damn shame too that I care this damn much about a baseball team, when I could/should be doing homework. Or maybe finding someone or something else that I could expend this time and money and energy and emotion on.

Instead, I've decided to put it all in you because since I was a kid, you have been the only thing I could really depend on. From April through September you're there for me. 1:20 day games, 7:05 night games....the Cubs have always been there whether it be on WGN, Fox Sports Net, Comcast, Fox, ESPN, etc. That's more than I can say for a lot of people.

In closing, I hope you understand how much you (Big Z) it would mean to me (and Cubs fans everywhere) if you just got your head out out of your ass. I know you can do, I've seen you do it.

Just do it, one more time!

Sincerely,

LuDo